I could not imagine would be important to him, but they are to me:
that I may manifest to my wife, the love that I have for her; that I
might accomplish the work that I have promised others I could do.
I pray for things that I know I have not the energy to accomplish
when I set out to do them - and when I pray I fasten in my mind the
times I have had that courage. I pray when I know that I don't
deserve what it is that I am asking for.
And he always answers. Sometimes it occurs while I pray - as my
requests are enlightened and I discover new facets of prayer and a
meeker attitude. Sometimes when I kneel _ I feel as if the hardness
of my heart and stiffness of my neck continue downward, to flow out
of me; and I am left as a child who is kneeling before his father.
Sometimes I pray and I feel the courage move upward from somewhere
deep inside and I am left as a warrior who kneels before his Lord -
and I can feel the sword that is either sheathed upon my back or
extended before me on the ground - and I sense the armor that spans
the breadth of my shoulders and know there is a shield next to me.
But always I know that there is - kneeling beside me - the savior of
my life who is guiding me in the words that I speak - usually he
waits for me to speak, before he kindly asks a question or carries on
an additional dialogue that I cannot hear: but sometimes he prompts
me. His words are always uttered in the language of my moment:
unless it is the moment itself that I am trying to escape. And then
his words are in the grammar of the moment that I should achieve.
Sometimes I kneel to ask for a specific frame of mind - and in
response my Lord suggests another that ultimately leads to the desire
of my heart.
There are times when I kneel - worn, torn, and haggard; to pray for
peace. And he tells either that it is not time yet for peace or he
grants me my request.
But never has there been a moment in my prayers or shortly thereafter
- that I have not felt his presence, and seen a change in my life -
it is not always a significant or paradigm changing answer - but
sometimes it is.
And even when it is not - even when the change is subtle - I feel the
consistency and power of eternity in the prayers that I rely on.
For me, the true power of God is manifest through prayer. It is not
found with such clarity in my dreams that I have, or the work that I
do - because I can lay claim to both work and dreams in certain
cases. It is not found in the majesty of nature - because there is
those things around me that God would not condone in his presence.
But that is as it should be.
I am supposed to create magnificent things - as I am supposed to also
create and maintain harmony; but I do not always do this.
The world is supposed to be a beautiful place - where God's might is
manifest in all things; but it is also supposed to be a place where
we prove ourself in the absence of proof.
The true power of God - that. which sets him above me or any other
man - is that his words are eternal by the nature of his will - which
is unchanging.
I have not always knelt before him for the reasons that I now worship
him. And I know that I will kneel before him tomorrow with a clearer
understanding of why I pray to him today.
I am the one who is changing.
